davabindu दवबिंदू

विचार, आठवणी, अनुभव, भावना, हितगुज , मतं….आणि बरंच काही! eveything that life is about….

Parenting: ( Part 5): Relationship of Trust

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, be it a professional relationship or a personal relationship. In the world of Parenting, building the relationship of Trust with your child is the most important factor. Love is important too, but one doesn’t need to take any special efforts to build and develop the relationship of love with his/her children. It naturally exists within them and it grows with togetherness.

A strong support from the family in terms of love, trust and respect for each other are very crucial factors in the development of one’s personality. Children who do not get this kind of atmosphere in their families are often just lost in the outside world. Trust is something that cannot be gained overnight. We have to start working on it when the child is at a very young age. Children may not be able to express it, but they can always feel that positivity in their house that is built on the foundations of all the above values.

We often see families where every grown-up is only scolding and shouting at the child to teach him discipline and good manners. They hardly express their love towards the child because they fear that the child might take it otherwise and start disobeying them. This kind of behavior serves their purpose, the child starts behaving well-mannered and disciplined, but in most of the cases, it is by force or fear and not because the child has really understood the importance of it. The most important disadvantage is, the child starts losing trust in his/her parents and he/she always tries to hide the facts from them. They fear that they will be scolded by the parents if they talk about it. The child may further start losing their confidence, telling lies and behave dishonestly all of which in the long run, might turn that innocent human being into all together different personality. Personality if affected by many other factors too, but the treatment and the kind of environment we get at our home forms the basic nature of the person, which ultimately reflects in one’s personality.

A child should always feel that..

“No matter what, my parents would always be there for me. If I am right, I am sure that they will always stand for me and support me. If I am wrong, I am sure I can always go to them and confess about it. I know they will  understand and give me the best advice.”

Our reactions to our child’s actions do the most important job of building this Trust. For example, If your child is having fight with his friends everyday, talk to the child and try to make him speak out, try to find out what bothers him, give him confidence that he will not be punished if he is found to be doing something wrong. If you think that your child’s behavior is wrong, just make him understand what wrong he is doing by fighting with his friends, tell him about the disadvantages of it in the long run. If you just scold him about it everyday, he might start hesitating to tell the truth next time or he might develop indifferent attitude towards such things.

So some of the important points are –

Hug your child whenever you feel so,

appreciate them,

talk to them nicely,

never take out your frustration and anger on the kids,

never fight and argue in front of the kids,

always tell the kids about the good habits, good qualities in your partner ( so that the kids can understand how their parents respect each other and love each other for what they are),

talk/discuss about every small incident and even your mistakes in your office or personal life in front of the child   ( this way they understand that the parents do not hide anything from each other and they are honest to talk about their own mistakes too),

do not discuss about the bad qualities and misbehavior of your child in front of him with an outsider,

when you are away from home for long hours or days, call them and let them know that you miss them,

when it is must to scold the child, make sure that only mom or only dad scolds and the other partner does not take part in the scolding, etc.

Trust that the child develops for you because of these very small and routine behaviors is something that is going to remain forever with you. It will definitely add to the love and respect the child has for you as his/her parents.

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This entry was posted on November 8, 2015 by in Experiences and tagged .
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