davabindu दवबिंदू

विचार, आठवणी, अनुभव, भावना, हितगुज , मतं….आणि बरंच काही! eveything that life is about….

Parenting: ( Part 6):Comparison & Appreciation

Every child is unique. Some child is good at drawing while the other may be good at solving the puzzle. Some have good vocabulary while others  show interest in music. In their early ages, some kids start balancing and walking independently early but they might start speaking little late, while it might be the other way in case of some other kids of the same age.


Never compare your child with the other child because just as their physical development depends on various factors such as heredity, level of nutrition, internal health,etc, their mental development also depends on certain factors which are not and cannot be the same for every child. These factors include heredity (again), behavior of the parents, communication with the external world, quality time spent with the parents and so on.


We should never compare our child’s weaknesses and strengths with the other child because these are the areas that we should work on, along with the child and help the child to improve in the same. Weaknesses and strengths are generally the inner qualities and they exist at different levels in different individuals. We should, however, compare the behaviors and reactions of our child with the other child when the other child behaves or reacts in the right way.


For example, If a kid is not good at drawing but the neighbor’s kid of the same age is very good in it, it is no use comparing them. This is because both the kids are at different level when it comes to the basic liking of the subject and the natural skills required for the same. This is something that we need to get involved in, find out why the child is not good in the subject (is he not interested in it? Or is he just lazy to even try it out? Or does he really need help and guidance in the same?). When we find out the correct reason, we can obviously find out the correct solution. If we only keep on comparing the child with the other child, we are not really helping him and not giving him a chance to develop and excel in that subject irrespective of his ability to do it. Moreover, the child might feel frustrated, helpless and depressed due to such comparison.


However, as discussed above, it is very important to do such comparison with the other child when the other child displays right behavior. This helps to teach our child good manners and discipline. Behavior and reactions are mainly the result of our thoughts, expectations and experiences. They are the external factors which could be or rather should be handled correctly by the child on his own.

For example, when two kids are playing and kid A refuses to share the toys with kid B, but B doesn’t fight for it and instead starts playing with the other toys, he is reacting correctly to the action of A. These two behaviors should be compared with each other and the parents of A should make him understand his wrong behavior as against the right behavior of his friend. This comparison often brings about a positive change in the behavior of the child.


In the first example, instead of comparing the child’s weaknesses with the other child, the parents should instead find out the good and unique qualities and strengths of their child and appreciate the child for the same. Appreciating the child every time he behaves correctly, exhibits his strengths, displays his unique abilities, completes the task that he was unable to complete before, etc is very important as it indirectly informs the child about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and it encourages him every time to take charge of his mind and body to perform better in his task.

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This entry was posted on December 15, 2015 by in Experiences and tagged .
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